We can’t deny that adoption comes out of a broken attachment, that the child we parent has already lost something primal — a biological connection to the first mother, as well as a genetic connection to her and to the baby’s first father. Right out of the gate, it’s helpful if we adoptive parents have at least a curiosity about attachment, what our own attachment patterns are, and what all that means for the adoptees we are parenting.
When a baby was placed in my arms years ago, I thought attachment meant baby-wearing, having lots of face time, and responding promptly when the baby had a need. Eventually, the baby days passed and I filled in with other kinds of connection: play, music, reflective listening, and even knowing when not to have eye contact (hello, car-ride conversations).
Often, I resorted to parenting tools I’d inherited from my parents, and they from their parents, tools I thought everyone used. I turned out okay, so it must be good (right?) to use a little bit of guilt and shame to get a child to do the right things and not do the wrong things.
I am excited this month to bring to you one of my attachment-parenting and boundary-setting mentors, Dr Brad Reedy of Evoke Therapy Programs. After a year of one-way listening to his podcast, I am thrilled to be having a two-way conversation with Dr Brad Reedy.
About Brad Reedy, PhD
Brad Reedy, PhD is a co-owner and clinical director of Evoke Therapy Programs, an outdoor, experientially-based therapy program for adolescents, young-adults, and families. He also cofounded Evoke Intensives, an attachment-based therapeutic intensive program near Park City, Utah. He is the Founder of Enlightening Relationships and provides parent coaching, couples therapy, and individual therapy.
Brad has served on the Board of the Utah Department of Child and Family Services, the Board of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs, the Choose Mental Health Board, and the En Garde Arts Board, a New York based theatre company.
Dr. Reedy is a prolific public speaker and has been invited to deliver keynote addresses at conferences, private events, nationally syndicated radio shows, and universities on experiential therapy, mental health treatment, childhood issues, and parenting. After years as a parent educator, having broadcast over 1,400 webinars on parent and family issues, he authored The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child’s Struggle and the Road Home and The Audacity to be You: Learning to Love Your Horrible, Rotten Self. He also hosts the highly successful podcast Finding You, which is how I first heard of him.
Show Notes: Ep 404 with Brad Reedy, PhD
- YouTube: @BradReedy
- Website DrBradReedy.com
- Amazon Author Page for Journey of the Heroic Parent and The Audacity to Be You
- Instagram and Twitter: @drbradreedy
- Facebook: Brad Reedy Enlightening Relationships
- Blog: Brad Reedy’s blog
- Podcast: Finding You: An Evoke Therapy Podcast
- Is It Compassion or Is It Guilt? Episode mentioned
- Prefer to read? Here’s a transcript (but listening is so much better).
How to Tune In Regularly
You can find us on Adopting.com, and on these and other platforms.
- Apple Podcasts
- Amazon Podcasts
- Google Podcasts
- Search for “Adoption Long View” on your preferred podcast platform.
A new episode comes out the first Friday of the month. Thank you for sharing, subscribing, and rating this episode!
Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.
Her first book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole, makes a thoughtful anytime gift for the adoptive families in your life. Her second book, Standing Room Only: How to Be THAT Yoga Teacher is now available in paperback, and her third book, Adoption Unfiltered, will be published in late 2023.
Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.