Need help figuring out adoption relationships? Schedule a complimentary consultation with Lori Holden, M.A.

Perfect Moment Monday: Arms vs hands

I am raising the Bickersons.

“Mom — he’s eating my cereal!” “Mom — tell her to give back my football!” “Mom — she told everyone I never change my socks!” “Mom — he got to pick the show last time!” “Mom — it’s MY turn sit in the middle!” Mom! Mom! Mom!

Whether it’s a toy, a book, a privilege, a secret, a seat, a snack, a song, a choice, an activity, my children can find a way to fight about it with copious exclamation points, always preceded by my moniker, “Mom!” They seem continually armed against each other.

But. They seem to save such combativeness for me. For I witness, on occasion, their alter-natures when they don’t know I’m watching.

As I parked at the grocery store one afternoon, I realized I could save time by having Tessa and Reed help me multitask, giving me a little more time to get supper on the table before Reed’s basketball game. So I asked the kids if they felt they were ready to run a short errand for me. They were to walk together over to the mail center, just a hundred feet away from the grocery store, while I ducked in to get dinner ingredients. They would drop off a couple of envelopes, see if there was anything to pick up, and meet me at grocery checkout.

We quickly covered the rules, not for the first or even the hundredth time: stay together, watch for cars, pay attention to your surroundings, be ready to run (together) and yell loudly if anyone gets too close to you. They basically said, “duh, Mom” and eagerly exited the car to push the frontier of their independence. I blew kisses and headed the other direction.

And looked back at them (you knew I would).

As they walked away from me, so grown up  yet young, so carefree but careful, their hands reached for each others’.

kids holding hands
I felt the twang of a string that tied them to me — I felt it snap as my kids went further out into the world without me. I also felt my heart soar as I saw them rely on each other, enjoy each other, connect with each other in this small, ordinary, extraordinary moment.

I’m so happy I noticed it.


Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

On the last Monday of each month we engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join.

To participate in Perfect Moment Monday:

  • Follow
  • Write up your own Perfect Moment and post it on your blog (or other site).
  • Use LinkyTools below to enter your name (or blog name), the URL of your Perfect Moment post, and a thumbnail image if desired.
  • Visit the Perfect Moments of others and let the writers know you were there with some comment currency.

Once you make a Perfect Moment post , you may place this button on your blog.What Perfect Moment have you recently been aware of? Visit these moments of others and share your comment love.

The next Perfect Moment Monday event will begin March 25.

(Cross-posted on BlogHer.)

Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page, and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.

New Posts Delivered to You

16 Responses

  1. LOVE this. Every once in a while I see this with my kids, too … reaching for each other for safety in their joint independence. And I feel so blessed that they feel safe with each other, that I am not their only shelter in the world. Thank you for sharing this perfect moment, Lori.

  2. Yes! I love this perfect moment; which is about freedom for kids (all about that, myself) and letting children find their own ‘sibling bond.’ My kids are younger–3 and 5–but they are having similar “issues” with comparisons, as in, “Momma, you’re a bad momma because you let me go to rhythmic gymnastics class and you don’t let him go.”
    “Son, do you want to go to rhythmic gymnastics?”
    “Nooooo,” says son.
    “You’re still a bad momma,” says daughter.
    Seriously? Yes, it’s the rivalry seems to be connected to mom. I don’t know if I’m glad that you’re in the thick like me, or sad that it still happens in pre-adolescence …

  3. Just beautiful Lori. Another truly perfect moment for you to witness while watching your two children as they grow up. I hope it gives you validation of what a caring mother you are to have helped them to develop that shared connection and in spite of all the bickering that has been happening. Thank you for sharing and hosting Perfect Moment Mondays again. I always look forward to participating and this month is no exception.

  4. How lovely! I think they dynamic changes with different numbers of participants, in most situations. But it’s always good to know that you children will be able to rely on each other, if you’re not there to guide them.

  5. I love when the fighting/bickering stops and you get a quick glimpse of a sibling bond and love. It truly is the little things, the small moments. Don’t you love when they don’t know we are watching or listening?

  6. Oh, yes, I am glad I read your sweet story. It reminded me of those significant moments when I felt connected to my brother that was so close in age. There were many times as young children that all we had each other. For a minute, I felt his hand holding mine when we were both scared. Thanks for sharing!

  7. I also feel like I’m raising the Bickersons sometimes but it does make those special moments even more perfect. This is beautiful – you really captured the bittersweet of watching your children grow up.

  8. A true perfect moment and so beautifully written! I can picture it.
    I just posted my entry (and added it to the linkytool but I don’t see it – does it show at your end?), not much time, so short and sweet, but I didn’t want to miss out on participating in another PMM!

  9. Pingback: My Epiphany

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

New Posts Delivered to You

Be the first to know about each new post. 

(Just a few each month.)