June has been a month of convergence between my two lives, the virtual one and the face-to-face one.
Loch Tess: To welcome the month, reader Caitlin and her adorable son, Sam, invited the children and me to spend the afternoon on her pontoon. Tessa and Reed swam in the lake and, thrill of thrills, they each got to pilot the boat. Caitlin and I chatted happily, snacked and enjoyed the first day of summer break (there may or may not have been a red Solo cup of white wine involved). The combination of friendship, 75° weather (no wind), and well-behaved children made Caitlin and me realize we were having a perfect moment.
Double treat: A few weeks later I got to meet my Twitter friend, Karen.We met for the noblest of reasons — to try out the desserts at the restaurant of the Denver Art Museum (thanks to the recommendation of dessert blog SugarLoco.com). Our children got along well and Karen and I gave each other the happy look when the three of them headed to the gift shop together (our daughters are the same age). Karen is a mom via adoption and a spinner, a fiber artist — hence the references to spider and Arachne in her online identity. It was fun to put a face to her Twitter wit, and I hope we get a chance to get together again.
Three corners: Last week I got to meet adoption-reform bloggers Peach and Cassi. One was coming through town and the other lives in town. I was a bit nervous — as I always am when meeting people from other corners of the adoption triad — but also excited because these are women I’ve long respected for their viewpoints and thoughtful treatment of people and issues.
Me, Cassi, Peach
One thing that came up during our dinner is that members of the triad can have such a hard time putting themselves in another’s shoes. How can a birth parent who was told “it’s best for your child” (and had to believe it for self-protection reasons) really face the loss that said child may feel? How can an adoptee understand the overwhelming desire an infertile person has to become a parent (unless, of course, she has experienced it)? How can an adoptive parent understand the feast that is an unexpected pregnancy when all she knows is famine?
And we must add in the other permutations of understanding — the adult adoptee understanding the viewpoint of the birth parent, the adoptive parent seeing through adult adoptee eyes, the birth parent walking in the infertile person’s shoes. Our familiarity and entrenchment in our own corner of the triangle can keep us from grasping the complexities of the adoption mosaic. This is probably why we sometimes yell at each other.
What made our dinner so amazing was that we three were listening, understanding, and learning from one another. It was refreshingly affirming. I left Peach and Cassi feeling exhilarated. I can’t wait to see them again. Maybe at a future Adoptee Rights Demonstration.
June has been a very rich month, indeed.
Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.
On the last Monday of each month we engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. The next Perfect Moment Monday event will begin July 30.
To participate in Perfect Moment Monday:
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