Amy has been in an open adoption for a long time as first mom to Addie, born and relinquished in 1985. Amy’s reflection on the past 30 years highlights my hunch that even if you’ve got contact with your child’s other parents, there are so many other facets to consider in helping your child process her adoptedness and integrate her parts.
In fact, if you have contact between families but are not also parenting with mindfulness and attunement, you may be inviting in complexity (contact) without having ways to deal with such complexity (mindfulness and intentionality).
Amy’s points challenge me; they might do so for you, too. My suggestion is not to take Amy’s narrative personally. She is not commenting on or judging anyone’s adoption arrangement other than her own. If any of her points trigger you, stop for a moment to see if you can figure out why.