I Want My Kids to Struggle

That sounds really mean, doesn’t it? Hear me out as I make that case that sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.

“Children Are Anti-Fragile”

In a broader discussion of what he calls the vindictive attack culture on college campuses,  Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a psychologist and professor of business ethics at New York University’s Stern School of Business, says:

A carton of eggs is fragile, if you bang it around it breaks. But bone is anti-fragile. If you bang it around it gets stronger, and if you don’t bang it around it gets weaker. Children are anti-fragile. They have to have many, many experiences of failure, fear, and being challenged. Then they have to figure out ways to get themselves through it. [bold added by me]

I’ve been thinking about this in terms of parenting, adoptive parenting and modern culture. children are anti-fragile

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Too Much of a Good Thing

On Tenacity

Two scenarios:

A man feels a burning desire to paint. For 25 years, he studies art, makes art, works menial jobs to pay the bills, and calls himself an artist,a  painter. He never sells a painting. He stays focused on his internal flame, even in the complete absence of any external fanning of it.

Does this dedication, this focus, this single-mindedness make the man a winner or a loser?

Your best friend fancies herself a dancer. She has unwavering dedication to her practice and to her dream of becoming a professional dancer. However it seems clear to you and to others that she has neither the physique nor the talent to achieve her goal.

Would you support her best by encouraging her in this dream or by gently helping her to see other options for herself?

tenacity keep trying?

Continue reading Too Much of a Good Thing

Open adoption parenting & mindfulness