#flipthescript 9: The Healing Power of Open Adoption

Paula Fahey was born, relinquished, and adopted during the closed adoption era. She experienced the happy/sad of adoption — she loved her parents yet she wondered about her birth parents. She’s now also on the birth family side of an open adoption and weighs in on the element of openness.

The #flipthescript series gives adoptees the microphone during November, National Adoption Awareness Month.

adoptees flipthescriptImage: Tracy Hammond

I Felt Both Welcomed and Curious

I am an adoptee, born in the early 1960s, at a time when adoption was shrouded in secrecy. I was raised by loving parents who always did their best to make me feel wanted and welcome. As a young child I fantasized about who my parents might be and wondered if one day I would meet them. Sensing that questions about my birth family made my mother uncomfortable, I tried to keep them to a minimum. Sometimes though, my insatiable curiosity won out, but my mother never had any answers for me.

open adoption by closed adopteeI reunited with my birth mother when I was 26 and it was magic. Continue reading #flipthescript 9: The Healing Power of Open Adoption

Stillness in Contention

I’m craving stillness as we in the United States near the end of this particularly contentious election season. Stillness takes us from the frenetic edge of the spinning sphere to the still center, to our core.

Stillness is how we bring unity from duality. 

And I don’t know about you, but boy, have I been feeling duality, polarization, split-at-the-seams. It’s uncomfortable.

I yearn for the opposite.

stillness in duality

This post is part of #MicroblogMondays? Whazzat? A post that’s not too long. Head to Stirrup Queens to join the fun.

 

 

#flipthescript 8: Adoptees Are In Reunion Whether They’re Searching or Not

Lesli Johnson, author of the helpful and repeatedly viral post, 10 Things Adoptess WantYou to Know, is flipping the script today. Adopted people are taking over the microphone in this space during November for National Adoption Awareness Month.

adoptees flipthescriptImage: Tracy Hammond

What Adoptees Do

are you my mother adoptionDuring a recent presentation at an adoption conference, I had attendees participate in a quick exercise.  I asked them to walk around the room and find the person they thought they most closely looked like.  The room instantly filled with nervous laughter as the participants met each others’ gaze, searching for facial similarities.  After a few minutes I had them take their seats and we talked about what that experience was like. 

I explained that this is what adoptees often do. They walk through the world, searching for their lost “twin” or someone they resemble.  Like the little bird in the popular children’s book, adoptees look at others and wonder: Are you my mother?

Continue reading #flipthescript 8: Adoptees Are In Reunion Whether They’re Searching or Not

#flipthescript 7: Hold On

Anne Heffron, author of the newly-released must-read memoir You Don’t Look Adopted, kicks of this year’s #flipthescript series, in which adoptees take over the microphone.

adoptees flipthescriptImage: Tracy Hammond

So Why Was I Crying?

I am going to visit some of my birth father’s family for the first time next week and my family is letting me go. No one is saying they are afraid they will lose me. No one is saying they wish I’d just be happy with the family I have. No one is saying they are afraid I will like the new family better than my old family. They don’t seem to care. They never call. And that makes me think that maybe, just as I suspected, maybe I was never a “real” Heffron after all even though I feel real, and sometimes I feel numbly sad when I think about where I am now: in this gray area between families–I don’t seem to squarely belong in either.

Continue reading #flipthescript 7: Hold On

Open adoption parenting & mindfulness