More songs in my emotional playground
The book club discussion guide for the book Adoption Unfiltered includes playlists for accessing emotions from co-authors Sara Easterly, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and me. In this series of posts, I’m taking you on a tour of the songs on my playlist, about three at a time. Here is the fifth batch of songs that help me feel the deep feels.
Story of My Life by One Direction
Note: Just last week we heard the shocking news of the death of Liam Payne, former One Direction member. I’m very sad for his son and others who knew and loved him. This song has long been on my emotional playlist, and now it has an added dimension.
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Attaching amid the aftermath of an adoptee’s trauma of relinquishment and separation can be fraught. This song came out at a time when I was really struggling to grasp what my young teenagers truly needed from me.
But baby, running after you
Is like chasing the clouds
I like this boy band from the 2010s in spite of myself.
The story of my life, I give them hope
I spend their love until they’re broke inside
The story of my life
This song resonated for the deep agony I was experiencing at the time it came out. Today, I can still access those feelings, but also observe how resilient we all have been.
Coming Around Again by Carly Simon
When I was a newlywed, I worked with a woman who was going through a divorce. She asked me to watch the rom-com Heartburn to try to understand what it was like for her to contemplate the end of her marriage (difficult for me to grasp while freshly stationed at the honeymoon stage).
Heartburn starred Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep and was based on a book by Nora Ephron, who was processing the end of her marriage to journalist Carl Bernstein (of Watergate fame). Carly Simon, divorced from James Taylor, was asked by the film’s director to write a theme song. Lots of negating of “happily ever after.”
The song reminds me that wherever I go, there I am. If I think getting a degree or advancing in my career is going to make me happy, I eventually find it doesn’t. I am still on the quest.
I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
After more questing, I also discover that marrying and having a family also don’t automatically bring happiness.
Baby sneezes
Mummy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering
In fact, when I realized I’d gotten all I ever wanted and still wasn’t “happy”…
You pay the grocer
You fix the toaster
Kiss the host good-bye
Then you break a window
Burn the soufflé?
Scream the lullaby
…I began to look inward instead of outward. Writing here has helped. And this song reminds me of my journey from angst and toward contentment that comes from the inside.
Kid Fears by Indigo Girls
When we are small, everything looks so big, and sometimes scary. Amy Ray’s song about my own kid fears takes me back to that shuddering and scared little kid in an oxygen tent or to that cowering first grade transfer student who was younger and newer than everyone in the class.
Secret staircase, running high
You had a hiding place
Secret staircase, running low
They all know, now you’re inside
Michael Stipe of REM adds haunting harmony to the already exquisite vocal-blending of Emily Saliers and Amy Ray.
Are you on fire (are you on fire)
From the years? (from the years)
What would you give for your Kid fears?
Replace the rent with the stars above
Replace the need with love
Replace the anger with the tide
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love
This song has the emotion right in the title. Fear.
More Songs that Soothe
Watch this space for the backstories behind a new batch of songs that are meaningful to me. Links will be filled in as each post is published.
- For links to the playlists of songs that soothe Sara and Kelsey, download our FREE Adoption Unfiltered book club guide
- Lori’s Part 1: Regina Spektor, Rent, Daniel Lanois & Bono
- Lori’s Part 2: Pearl Jam, Avett Brothers, Sara Hester Ross
- Lori’s Part 3: Kacey Musgraves, Wookiefoot, ‘Til Tuesday
- Lori’s Part 4: Supertramp, Miley Cyrus, Ayla Nereo
- Lori’s Part 5: One Direction, Carly Simon, Indigo Girls
- Lori’s Part 6: Ingrid Michaelson, Jesus Christ Superstar, Billy Joel
- Lori’s Part 7: Brandi Carlile, Wilco, Aimee Mann, John Lennon
